Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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