My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
