Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
