dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
