okay pat passed out under dana's car
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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