Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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