My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
