3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
