how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
