i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
