i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
