Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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