The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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