It's Friday. Sex?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im holly from the hills drunk
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
