Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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