i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
