thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
