marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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