3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
