Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
