Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
