she was so not down for the gang bang
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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