she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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