He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
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arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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