Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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