I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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