your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Can you bring me the toilet please
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
