If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
