u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
did you just send me my own nude
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
