I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
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i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
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This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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