I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
