is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
