I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
