do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
