At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There's always time for handjobs
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
