I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
