i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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