Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
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I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
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Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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