Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
