u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
