She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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