do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
