I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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