I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
