I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
