I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
