We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
