I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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