goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
