yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
