hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
