I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
