i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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