Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
