he puts the penis in happiness.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
