Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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