Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
