let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
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Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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