I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
