U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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