I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
