please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
