So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
