I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
