can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
